I didn't get much chance to talk to Waif last night as she was out with her boyfriend until about 7.30pm. I had supper ready - lightly dusted and fried lemon sole, ratatouille and some new boiled potatoes (not the most calorific meal, I admit, but I was going to insist on pudding and had planned it and shopped for it before taking in the news that Waif needed feeding up again). But Waif claimed to have already eaten a pizza and a pudding out at Pizza Express with BF. She agreed nonetheless to eat a small piece of fish and ratatouille. BF incidentally is stick thin but that is probably because he has used all his energy growing to 6ft 4 in the last couple of years.
This morning, Waif happily ate 2 fishfingers in 2 pieces of wholemeal bread. I said that she ought to have something else too - cereal, say, but she said that I needed to give her time to adjust as she was very full. That seems reasonable but I will be making her have a hot chocolate (well, strongly encouraging) when she gets in from school even though for the last few months she has said that she no longer likes them.
Ho hum, the dog was happy: he got the spare 2 extra fishfingers I had cooked.
I feel bad that I had not noticed, or had willfully ignored, Waif's weight loss and had to have it pointed out to me by a shocked Older Daughter. I suppose one just gets used to things and I have become used to Waif being too thin. She is actually only now about the weight she was aged 11 or 12 before she first lost weight, and was about 15cm smaller. She was a perfect weight back then, but now needs to be aiming at 55kg. I would settle for 51kg frankly (8 stone).
Sigh, I guess it is in the same way that we are all now used to Waif's great aunt having been (unfairly) sentenced to life for murder earlier this year. Now there's a throw away line and a whole new blog.....
Wednesday, 21 September 2011
Tuesday, 20 September 2011
Advice from The Maudsley Hospital
I spoke to Waif's psych. Apparently Waif was over 49kg when discharged in July so has lost nearly 3kg since then. Hmmm...that would seem quite good going even for someone on a diet and def not acceptable for someone who is supposed to be trying to gain weight still. The Psych said to talk to Waif and lay the cards on the table: she has lost weight and needs to regain it. If she doesn't do that in a month then we will be going back to hospital visits. I really, really, really hope that does the trick. I am suddenly frightened again - what if she loses more weight between now and then? She is in dangerous territory.
Waif went ton the new Westfield Stratford (aka Eastfield) at the weekend and bought loads of lovely clothes. I will have to repay her when --if-- she grows out of them otherwise that will be too much of a disincentive.
Waif went ton the new Westfield Stratford (aka Eastfield) at the weekend and bought loads of lovely clothes. I will have to repay her when --if-- she grows out of them otherwise that will be too much of a disincentive.
backwards?
The good news was that Waif was signed off at her last visit to the Maudsley, back in July. She had not reached her target weight of 100% of weight for age and height (which was about 53kg) but was at about 48.5kg which was just out of anorexic range and she seemed stable. We have to let Waif fight this battle alone ultimately. The psych said that the good thing was that we had not been monitoring Waif's food intake so she had done this herself.
I did express a worry that from the research that I had read, the lower the permissible "final weight" was, the more chance there was of relapse as the sufferer then perceives this weight to be a maximum rather than a minimum, and we had little room for manoeuvre. I was reassured that as Waif is so young (she is now just 15), we have access to the Maudsley Youth Service for a good few years ahead and could get back in touch anytime.
Anytime may be here. This morning, Older Sister told me that she saw Waif after her bath and she looked terribly thin. I have had nagging worries for a few weeks myself so this was enough of a wake up call for me to ask Waif to stand on the scales - something I have not done for about 9 months. She was 46.1kg. I may call the Maudsley for advbice as they are there. I will also talk to Waif tonight and agree some kind of deadline with her - I cannot impose on her now she is so grown up, but she is a very clever girl (A* in the GCSE she took early this year, since you ask) and sometimes sensible, so if I lay out the facts clearly she will see that she needs to put on weight, and if she cannot do it alone then she needs to seek more help.
She is such a lovely girl - so independent, hard working and thoughtful, as well as interesting and kind company, I do hope that this is merely a blip..
I did express a worry that from the research that I had read, the lower the permissible "final weight" was, the more chance there was of relapse as the sufferer then perceives this weight to be a maximum rather than a minimum, and we had little room for manoeuvre. I was reassured that as Waif is so young (she is now just 15), we have access to the Maudsley Youth Service for a good few years ahead and could get back in touch anytime.
Anytime may be here. This morning, Older Sister told me that she saw Waif after her bath and she looked terribly thin. I have had nagging worries for a few weeks myself so this was enough of a wake up call for me to ask Waif to stand on the scales - something I have not done for about 9 months. She was 46.1kg. I may call the Maudsley for advbice as they are there. I will also talk to Waif tonight and agree some kind of deadline with her - I cannot impose on her now she is so grown up, but she is a very clever girl (A* in the GCSE she took early this year, since you ask) and sometimes sensible, so if I lay out the facts clearly she will see that she needs to put on weight, and if she cannot do it alone then she needs to seek more help.
She is such a lovely girl - so independent, hard working and thoughtful, as well as interesting and kind company, I do hope that this is merely a blip..
Saturday, 11 June 2011
End of the day
Waif is growing up fast. She is now nearly 15 and I am beginning to feel that I am treading on the toes of her right to privacy by writing this blog. When she was 12, and so very very ill, the blog, with its supportive and insightful commenters, was a lifeline for me. Now Waif is so much better and older, even though she is not yet discharged from the Maudsley Hospital nor up to her ideal weight, I feel less need of support and more guilt about sharing her life events. If I write but hide things that would embarrass Waif then it will no longer be an honest account. So I want to say a big thank you to all and bow out.
Incidentally, the BEAT training course was very interesting. I learned that the thrust of a self help group is that it is not there for advice but just as a forum. I personally was not convinced that they had any evidence that self help groups actually DID help, and have grave reservations about those aimed at sufferers as it seems to me that they could be counter productive. Those aimed at carers might be more helpful although I am lucky to have had very supportive friends who have listened to me rant on, and in one case, helped direct me to the correct source of advice (thank you!). BEAT is very very well intentioned but the trainer seemed taken aback when I asked about evidence for effectiveness of self help groups and said that they had never looked into it. I still want to do something to help, but am carefully considering what and how to do that. It might be that my money is more valuable than my time, even if it would feel more sterile to simply support treatments and research financially. I am certain that this whole area is under resourced and under researched and am so grateful that we had access to the very best facilities in the world, at no cost whatsoever. I send my best wishes to all sufferers and carers out there and hope that you too will find a way through and escape this pernicious mental illness without long term ill effects. I hope one day there will be more answers.
Incidentally, the BEAT training course was very interesting. I learned that the thrust of a self help group is that it is not there for advice but just as a forum. I personally was not convinced that they had any evidence that self help groups actually DID help, and have grave reservations about those aimed at sufferers as it seems to me that they could be counter productive. Those aimed at carers might be more helpful although I am lucky to have had very supportive friends who have listened to me rant on, and in one case, helped direct me to the correct source of advice (thank you!). BEAT is very very well intentioned but the trainer seemed taken aback when I asked about evidence for effectiveness of self help groups and said that they had never looked into it. I still want to do something to help, but am carefully considering what and how to do that. It might be that my money is more valuable than my time, even if it would feel more sterile to simply support treatments and research financially. I am certain that this whole area is under resourced and under researched and am so grateful that we had access to the very best facilities in the world, at no cost whatsoever. I send my best wishes to all sufferers and carers out there and hope that you too will find a way through and escape this pernicious mental illness without long term ill effects. I hope one day there will be more answers.
Tuesday, 10 May 2011
Independence
Waif grows daily more independent. It is heartening seeing her turn into a "proper teenager":
- "Well Mum, don't take this badly but I can't quite see the point of doing anything as a family" when asked about holidays.
- off to London last week with a few friends and they took out Boris Bikes and cycled round Trafalgar Square, The Mall, Regents Street and Covent garden.
It's funny how risk is such a relative concept. Three years ago I would have been horrified at the thought of Waif smoking (or cycling round central London). Whilst I still am in many ways, both seem less horrifying than not eating or smoking drugs....... . Hmmm..... I have to let her live her own life and I am standing back as much as I can but with the odd word of advice in the wings. She says it is good that I don't ban her from stuff because she would still do it, but just not tell me!! At heart she is a sensible girl and I think that it is this voice of reason that saved her from the worst devastations of self starvation no matter what her heart was (misleadingly) telling her.
We went to Eastbourne for a few days at Easter, enjoying the incredibly unseasonal warm weather, staying at a luxury hotel and sitting by the outdoor pool. Waif joined us on the evening of day 2 of 4, having stayed in town with her friends the night before. She happily then got 3 trains to make her own way down.
I am pretty proud of her chutzpah, actually.
Waif is still Waif though in many ways: she had her own video blog with 300 followers (!!! it was fashion advice) but then suddenly deleted it all. She has allowed her boyfriend to carry on seeing her despite the fact that she found rude texts about herself on his phone (her self esteem is not where it should be still). She hangs around "the dips" - a secluded are of the heath - with various friends from school, for no discernible reason other than to smoke and drink without adult intervention. I trust her when she says that she just talks even if the others are smoking and worse.
Food? Still tricky. There is still a lot of prevarication and reasons why she can't eat various parts of our meals - the wrong type of bread, she doesn't eat most meat, she doesn't like cream...... but on the whole she eats a passable amount. She is still borderline anorexic weight (85% of weight for height and age) but looks healthy enough and does plenty of exercise - she is religiously going to the gym on Wednesdays as part of her Duke of Edinburgh award and is aiming to run a 10k in 40 minutes which is quite a lot faster than I could manage and I regard myself as quite fast! But I do not think this is obsessive exercise as she also religiously attends art after school on Mondays (for her skill) and Oxfam after work on Tuesdays (for her service). her boyfriend gets to see her on Thursdays. There is nothing unplanned about Waif's life.
Meanwhile, Older Daughter has had a letter from The Maudsley asking her to participate in some research into the effect of anorexia on siblings. She is considering whether to take part - what with university entrance, AS levels and learning to drive, she is pretty busy. I hope she finds the time though.
I am attending a Beat meeting on Saturday to learn to be a volunteer of some sort. I am not sure what kind exactly and will find out. What I would like to do is to go into schools to speak to staff and management about running the school so as not to encourage anorexia (having mealtimes protected from such things as trips and detentions so that eating is never difficult, having food available EVEN IF a child forgets her money/ pass etc), spotting it and how to help (eg offering a supervised meal service etc). As I have just been turned down for my MSc, and have now finished the marathon, I might have time to start something up on my own later this year, although the tricky part will be persuading schools that I have any kind of locus standi so that they will give me the time of day. I also need to do a lot of prior research into which schools deal best with eating disorders and how they do this, although from a "user" perspective, some of it seems like common sense.
Last observation....where does the time go???
- "Well Mum, don't take this badly but I can't quite see the point of doing anything as a family" when asked about holidays.
- off to London last week with a few friends and they took out Boris Bikes and cycled round Trafalgar Square, The Mall, Regents Street and Covent garden.
 |
| Waif's Royal Wedding feet |
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| Waif and Older sister looking like twins these days |
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| Older sister and Waif in Easter hols |
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| Easter Sunday at the pub with friends |
It's funny how risk is such a relative concept. Three years ago I would have been horrified at the thought of Waif smoking (or cycling round central London). Whilst I still am in many ways, both seem less horrifying than not eating or smoking drugs....... . Hmmm..... I have to let her live her own life and I am standing back as much as I can but with the odd word of advice in the wings. She says it is good that I don't ban her from stuff because she would still do it, but just not tell me!! At heart she is a sensible girl and I think that it is this voice of reason that saved her from the worst devastations of self starvation no matter what her heart was (misleadingly) telling her.
We went to Eastbourne for a few days at Easter, enjoying the incredibly unseasonal warm weather, staying at a luxury hotel and sitting by the outdoor pool. Waif joined us on the evening of day 2 of 4, having stayed in town with her friends the night before. She happily then got 3 trains to make her own way down.
I am pretty proud of her chutzpah, actually.
Waif is still Waif though in many ways: she had her own video blog with 300 followers (!!! it was fashion advice) but then suddenly deleted it all. She has allowed her boyfriend to carry on seeing her despite the fact that she found rude texts about herself on his phone (her self esteem is not where it should be still). She hangs around "the dips" - a secluded are of the heath - with various friends from school, for no discernible reason other than to smoke and drink without adult intervention. I trust her when she says that she just talks even if the others are smoking and worse.
Food? Still tricky. There is still a lot of prevarication and reasons why she can't eat various parts of our meals - the wrong type of bread, she doesn't eat most meat, she doesn't like cream...... but on the whole she eats a passable amount. She is still borderline anorexic weight (85% of weight for height and age) but looks healthy enough and does plenty of exercise - she is religiously going to the gym on Wednesdays as part of her Duke of Edinburgh award and is aiming to run a 10k in 40 minutes which is quite a lot faster than I could manage and I regard myself as quite fast! But I do not think this is obsessive exercise as she also religiously attends art after school on Mondays (for her skill) and Oxfam after work on Tuesdays (for her service). her boyfriend gets to see her on Thursdays. There is nothing unplanned about Waif's life.
Meanwhile, Older Daughter has had a letter from The Maudsley asking her to participate in some research into the effect of anorexia on siblings. She is considering whether to take part - what with university entrance, AS levels and learning to drive, she is pretty busy. I hope she finds the time though.
I am attending a Beat meeting on Saturday to learn to be a volunteer of some sort. I am not sure what kind exactly and will find out. What I would like to do is to go into schools to speak to staff and management about running the school so as not to encourage anorexia (having mealtimes protected from such things as trips and detentions so that eating is never difficult, having food available EVEN IF a child forgets her money/ pass etc), spotting it and how to help (eg offering a supervised meal service etc). As I have just been turned down for my MSc, and have now finished the marathon, I might have time to start something up on my own later this year, although the tricky part will be persuading schools that I have any kind of locus standi so that they will give me the time of day. I also need to do a lot of prior research into which schools deal best with eating disorders and how they do this, although from a "user" perspective, some of it seems like common sense.
Last observation....where does the time go???
Tuesday, 12 April 2011
How the actual Maudlsey visit went
After the fiasco of Monday, we went back to the Maudsley on the Tuesday (2 weeks ago now).
When I arrived at Waif's school to pick her up, the car refused to start again :-( Happily Waif breezed off and returned 10 minutes later riding high up in the maintenance men's van, along with Bob and John who gave me a jump start. There are kind people around.
We were half an hour late arriving at the Maudsley, but the psych was very understanding. Anorexia Daddy came along too, which he has not done for ages.
First things first and Waif was weighed. She came in at 48.1kg, so a whole kg more than last visit. Whilst this is slow progress, Waif has been steadily gaining weight for 15 months now so the trend is fantastic. I can't help thinking that controlled weight gain is more likely to last than if we stuffed Waif with chocolates and ice cream for 4 weeks and then expected her to eat normally and maintain a new high weight. Obviously, below a certain weight, immediate gain is imperative and urgent so there is no choice, but where we are now (hovering just above anorexic range) the slow and steady proper meals approach feels more sustainable to me.
The sessions are always relaxed when Waif has gained (in contrast to the tears, misery and monosyllables that greet the infrequent losses). Waif was able to express her desire to go out at all times of day and night without telling me (!) saying that "all her friends did it". I pointed out that I have NEVER stopped her doing anything she has wanted to do (true) and all I wanted was an indication of where she would be, with whom and what time to expect her home. She kind of agreed this was reasonable but said it was a complete pain to have to say goodbye when she was going out. We all agreed (hubby, psych and I) that this is the minimum you would do with a flatmate. Sigh, she is a proper teen now, which on the whole is good. Her latest t-shirt reads "nicotine, alcohol, caffeine". Ho hum. I know that her friends smoke but hope that Waif is sensible enough never to try. She knows exactly how disappointed I would be if she were to smoke.
The conversation then turned to motorbikes: I have now passed my motorbike test (did I mention that?) and am giving Waif the odd lift to school on the back. Actually, I am kind of regretting it as it does not feel wholly safe and Waif spends the journey telling me to go faster!!! I had thought it would be safer than letting her cycle on her own (which is what she wanted to do) but now I am not so sure - on the bicycle, it is possible to avoid roads for the first 2 miles, and there is only road at the end. On the motorbike, I have no choice but to take a major "A" road and, since I stick to the speed limit, I feel very vulnerable being tailgated by lorries and cars wanting to go faster.
Anyway, Waif told the psych that she was getting a moped on her 16th birthday. Hubby and I said she wasn't as it was too dangerous. She says she will spend her own money on it, and leave school and get a job if necessary. I am 99% certain this is all bluster but quite effective all the same! I realise the hypocrisy of my having a motorbike but forbidding it to my daughter on safety grounds so I said that I wanted to get rid of my motorbike as I have realised it is too dangerous (really, I feel fine on it myself but am prepared to give it up if that is what it takes to stop her having one of her own as a teen), hoping that Hubby would pick up the cue. But instead he said that we had spent so much money on helmets and leathers that there was no way we were giving up!! Sigh.
Hubby and I agreed afterwards that when it came to it, we thought that Waif would forget about the idea of a moped (personally, I think this more likely if I have sold my own), especially if I offer to drive her in the convertible we have just ordered (wahay!).
Father in Law is in on the act, having just bought himself two vintage Bugattis and being determined to ride them despite having two hip replacements and not having ridden a motorbike for over 45 years!! Two of his brothers have had months in hospital following motorbike accidents but this seems to be no deterrent. I feel doubly worried now I have read a thread on mumsnet with women saying how many from their class at school were now dead....I assumed this would be older mothers writing, but they were not: many were in their twenties and the common theme seemed to be drugs and motorbike accidents. Ho hum, let's hope Waif makes it to a hundred.
When I arrived at Waif's school to pick her up, the car refused to start again :-( Happily Waif breezed off and returned 10 minutes later riding high up in the maintenance men's van, along with Bob and John who gave me a jump start. There are kind people around.
We were half an hour late arriving at the Maudsley, but the psych was very understanding. Anorexia Daddy came along too, which he has not done for ages.
First things first and Waif was weighed. She came in at 48.1kg, so a whole kg more than last visit. Whilst this is slow progress, Waif has been steadily gaining weight for 15 months now so the trend is fantastic. I can't help thinking that controlled weight gain is more likely to last than if we stuffed Waif with chocolates and ice cream for 4 weeks and then expected her to eat normally and maintain a new high weight. Obviously, below a certain weight, immediate gain is imperative and urgent so there is no choice, but where we are now (hovering just above anorexic range) the slow and steady proper meals approach feels more sustainable to me.
The sessions are always relaxed when Waif has gained (in contrast to the tears, misery and monosyllables that greet the infrequent losses). Waif was able to express her desire to go out at all times of day and night without telling me (!) saying that "all her friends did it". I pointed out that I have NEVER stopped her doing anything she has wanted to do (true) and all I wanted was an indication of where she would be, with whom and what time to expect her home. She kind of agreed this was reasonable but said it was a complete pain to have to say goodbye when she was going out. We all agreed (hubby, psych and I) that this is the minimum you would do with a flatmate. Sigh, she is a proper teen now, which on the whole is good. Her latest t-shirt reads "nicotine, alcohol, caffeine". Ho hum. I know that her friends smoke but hope that Waif is sensible enough never to try. She knows exactly how disappointed I would be if she were to smoke.
The conversation then turned to motorbikes: I have now passed my motorbike test (did I mention that?) and am giving Waif the odd lift to school on the back. Actually, I am kind of regretting it as it does not feel wholly safe and Waif spends the journey telling me to go faster!!! I had thought it would be safer than letting her cycle on her own (which is what she wanted to do) but now I am not so sure - on the bicycle, it is possible to avoid roads for the first 2 miles, and there is only road at the end. On the motorbike, I have no choice but to take a major "A" road and, since I stick to the speed limit, I feel very vulnerable being tailgated by lorries and cars wanting to go faster.
Anyway, Waif told the psych that she was getting a moped on her 16th birthday. Hubby and I said she wasn't as it was too dangerous. She says she will spend her own money on it, and leave school and get a job if necessary. I am 99% certain this is all bluster but quite effective all the same! I realise the hypocrisy of my having a motorbike but forbidding it to my daughter on safety grounds so I said that I wanted to get rid of my motorbike as I have realised it is too dangerous (really, I feel fine on it myself but am prepared to give it up if that is what it takes to stop her having one of her own as a teen), hoping that Hubby would pick up the cue. But instead he said that we had spent so much money on helmets and leathers that there was no way we were giving up!! Sigh.
Hubby and I agreed afterwards that when it came to it, we thought that Waif would forget about the idea of a moped (personally, I think this more likely if I have sold my own), especially if I offer to drive her in the convertible we have just ordered (wahay!).
Father in Law is in on the act, having just bought himself two vintage Bugattis and being determined to ride them despite having two hip replacements and not having ridden a motorbike for over 45 years!! Two of his brothers have had months in hospital following motorbike accidents but this seems to be no deterrent. I feel doubly worried now I have read a thread on mumsnet with women saying how many from their class at school were now dead....I assumed this would be older mothers writing, but they were not: many were in their twenties and the common theme seemed to be drugs and motorbike accidents. Ho hum, let's hope Waif makes it to a hundred.
Monday, 4 April 2011
Braces, Oxford and The Maudsley again.
It has been a while since I posted so we have lots of news.
Waif's brace fitting day came and went at the end of March. I had been gently warning her for about 3 weeks that she was only to have the braces if she was 48kg or above as otherwise there was too much danger of her slipping into anorexia again what with it being difficult to eat with braces on. This was really not intended to be any kind of threat but just a statement of common sense....indeed I have fully paid for the braces already (£4000) so am pretty invested in her having them, and, more relevantly, she definitely needs them.
Two days beforehand, Waif told me that she didn't want braces just yet. I asked her if this was to do with her weight and she said "yes, a bit". I didn't explore further as we had the Maudsley coming up the next week and I thought that we would see how her weight was then. I don't think she has put on any weight recently but I am equally hoping she has not lost. I wonder if it is also as she is a bit nervous of braces as she saw both Older Daughter and me struggling a bit with them in 2009. I have rebooked Waif for September at the orthodontist and will do my best to encourage her to go for it then. It may be partly (who knows) due to her being in the throes of true love with her first boyfriend who is a lovely boy although very very thin (yikes) but he does eat a lot, I am assured by Waif, it is just that he is the tallest in the year and has grown a lot recently. He seems lovely - quiet and gentle and a supreme skateboarder.
It is coming up for the end of term and I booked us a weekend away last weekend, to Oxford, partly to look round colleges for Older Daughter who is considering applying, and partly to attend the Literary festival. We stayed first at Keble (seen pic above) and had breakfast in Hall (see below):
I though it was beautiful although the "Friends" of Keble college (Aka the Keble Demolition Society) at the next door college has the membership requirement being the acquisition of one brick.
We then stayed at Christchurch college which is astonishingly dreaming spires.....all golden Cotswold stone, manicured lawns, and beautiful wrought iron gas lamps. Here is Anorexia Daddy in Meadows Quad:
We went to the more child centred talks and laughed HYSTERICALLY at Louise Rennison who really should be a stand up comic. Philip Pullman was good too, talking about the sprite that is the narrator in a tale - the one who sits on the author's shoulder and can leap into certain minds but not others.
On the Saturday afternoon, in Spring sunshine, we took a walking tour but Waif, feeling tired, sat on a bench in the University Parks reading (her new Louise Rennison book).
On Sunday morning, we ate breakfast in Christchurch Hall, being the very room where Harry Potter was filmed. Later in the day we went to a Blue Peter talk back there again :
Sunday was Mother's Day. We all forgot. I belatedly remembered and dropped enormous hints to the girls who bought me a box of champagne truffles :-) Poor Waif was a bit put out about the whole weekend and wanted me to know that generally she wanted to spend weekends at home in term time as that is when she sees her friends. Sigh, fair point, but I appreciated her company for the weekend away. I felt a bit guilty on our return as she did have a lot of homework outstanding.
In the afternoon, Anorexia Daddy and I went round the Ashmolean whilst Waif and Older Daughter sipped hot chocolates opposite in The Randolph Hotel, made famous by Morse and, latterly, Bill Clinton's hotel of choice. One can force too much culture on one's children and I reckoned I was at the limit of elasticity for the weekend.
So roll on Monday, today. I knew that the Maudsley appointment was this week and had a vague feeling it might clash with my taking OD to Cardiff Medical School open day on Tuesday/ Wednesday so first thing this morning I mailed them to confirm the exact time/day. They mailed back saying TODAY!! Yikes, I texted Waif, phoned school and took her along. She was not best pleased as she said it was in her diary for tomorrow and she had to miss her art lesson to come today.
We waited and waited, and waited some more, and eventually it transpired that there had been a diary mix up and the appointment is tomorrow after all. Waif had been right. Poor child. It is an emotionally traumatic trip for her each and every time and she was in floods of tears on the way home and announced that she won't go tomorrow. I have some sympathy with her. I can't decide whether to rearrange for next week (which is also school holidays and so easier) and which would suit me better (I need to get to Cardiff tomorrow and the timing is tricky) or whether we should simply bite the bullet and go. In my heart, I know the latter is more sensible even though it does mean that I will go to the Maudsley with Waif and then dump her home alone whilst I leave with OD. Hmmm, maybe that is not such a good idea unless I can get Anorexia Daddy to come home for 6pm from the office which is not at all easy for him mostly.
As for me, I have less than 2 weeks until I am running in the marathon. That means a bit less training for now and so more free time. I will go for a last long run tomorrow morning and then taper. I have not trained as much as I should have but am quietly confident of finishing in well under 5 hours, hopefully under 4h 30. Waif clearly has the running gene as she came third in cross country at school last week, and that was after she had run 6km at the gym the night before.....don't worry she only goes to the gym on Wednesdays as it is part of her Duke of Edinburgh award. On Tuesday she volunteers at Oxfam, and on Mondays she goes to art classes. This is partly why she is so cross with me today as she missed art for the Maudsley and now she is to miss Oxfam too for tomorrow's visit. Not fulfilling her commitments is commendably stressful to her and not something she would willingly do. She is determined to get all 3 badges - bronze, silver and gold and I would bet my last penny that she succeeds.......(as long as she remains well).
Waif's brace fitting day came and went at the end of March. I had been gently warning her for about 3 weeks that she was only to have the braces if she was 48kg or above as otherwise there was too much danger of her slipping into anorexia again what with it being difficult to eat with braces on. This was really not intended to be any kind of threat but just a statement of common sense....indeed I have fully paid for the braces already (£4000) so am pretty invested in her having them, and, more relevantly, she definitely needs them.
Two days beforehand, Waif told me that she didn't want braces just yet. I asked her if this was to do with her weight and she said "yes, a bit". I didn't explore further as we had the Maudsley coming up the next week and I thought that we would see how her weight was then. I don't think she has put on any weight recently but I am equally hoping she has not lost. I wonder if it is also as she is a bit nervous of braces as she saw both Older Daughter and me struggling a bit with them in 2009. I have rebooked Waif for September at the orthodontist and will do my best to encourage her to go for it then. It may be partly (who knows) due to her being in the throes of true love with her first boyfriend who is a lovely boy although very very thin (yikes) but he does eat a lot, I am assured by Waif, it is just that he is the tallest in the year and has grown a lot recently. He seems lovely - quiet and gentle and a supreme skateboarder.
It is coming up for the end of term and I booked us a weekend away last weekend, to Oxford, partly to look round colleges for Older Daughter who is considering applying, and partly to attend the Literary festival. We stayed first at Keble (seen pic above) and had breakfast in Hall (see below):
I though it was beautiful although the "Friends" of Keble college (Aka the Keble Demolition Society) at the next door college has the membership requirement being the acquisition of one brick.
We then stayed at Christchurch college which is astonishingly dreaming spires.....all golden Cotswold stone, manicured lawns, and beautiful wrought iron gas lamps. Here is Anorexia Daddy in Meadows Quad:
We went to the more child centred talks and laughed HYSTERICALLY at Louise Rennison who really should be a stand up comic. Philip Pullman was good too, talking about the sprite that is the narrator in a tale - the one who sits on the author's shoulder and can leap into certain minds but not others.
On the Saturday afternoon, in Spring sunshine, we took a walking tour but Waif, feeling tired, sat on a bench in the University Parks reading (her new Louise Rennison book).
On Sunday morning, we ate breakfast in Christchurch Hall, being the very room where Harry Potter was filmed. Later in the day we went to a Blue Peter talk back there again :
Sunday was Mother's Day. We all forgot. I belatedly remembered and dropped enormous hints to the girls who bought me a box of champagne truffles :-) Poor Waif was a bit put out about the whole weekend and wanted me to know that generally she wanted to spend weekends at home in term time as that is when she sees her friends. Sigh, fair point, but I appreciated her company for the weekend away. I felt a bit guilty on our return as she did have a lot of homework outstanding.
In the afternoon, Anorexia Daddy and I went round the Ashmolean whilst Waif and Older Daughter sipped hot chocolates opposite in The Randolph Hotel, made famous by Morse and, latterly, Bill Clinton's hotel of choice. One can force too much culture on one's children and I reckoned I was at the limit of elasticity for the weekend.
So roll on Monday, today. I knew that the Maudsley appointment was this week and had a vague feeling it might clash with my taking OD to Cardiff Medical School open day on Tuesday/ Wednesday so first thing this morning I mailed them to confirm the exact time/day. They mailed back saying TODAY!! Yikes, I texted Waif, phoned school and took her along. She was not best pleased as she said it was in her diary for tomorrow and she had to miss her art lesson to come today.
We waited and waited, and waited some more, and eventually it transpired that there had been a diary mix up and the appointment is tomorrow after all. Waif had been right. Poor child. It is an emotionally traumatic trip for her each and every time and she was in floods of tears on the way home and announced that she won't go tomorrow. I have some sympathy with her. I can't decide whether to rearrange for next week (which is also school holidays and so easier) and which would suit me better (I need to get to Cardiff tomorrow and the timing is tricky) or whether we should simply bite the bullet and go. In my heart, I know the latter is more sensible even though it does mean that I will go to the Maudsley with Waif and then dump her home alone whilst I leave with OD. Hmmm, maybe that is not such a good idea unless I can get Anorexia Daddy to come home for 6pm from the office which is not at all easy for him mostly.
As for me, I have less than 2 weeks until I am running in the marathon. That means a bit less training for now and so more free time. I will go for a last long run tomorrow morning and then taper. I have not trained as much as I should have but am quietly confident of finishing in well under 5 hours, hopefully under 4h 30. Waif clearly has the running gene as she came third in cross country at school last week, and that was after she had run 6km at the gym the night before.....don't worry she only goes to the gym on Wednesdays as it is part of her Duke of Edinburgh award. On Tuesday she volunteers at Oxfam, and on Mondays she goes to art classes. This is partly why she is so cross with me today as she missed art for the Maudsley and now she is to miss Oxfam too for tomorrow's visit. Not fulfilling her commitments is commendably stressful to her and not something she would willingly do. She is determined to get all 3 badges - bronze, silver and gold and I would bet my last penny that she succeeds.......(as long as she remains well).
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