Thank you to my commenters. Yes, Waif is indeed insecure and controlling and was ever thus. At the moment, she is my shadow.
I was just looking through my keeping box and found a letter that she wrote to H and me the time we went away for a long weekend on our tenth wedding anniversary and my mother came to stay and look after the girls (5 and 8) and the dog.
Waif was 5 3/4 at the time and I reproduce exactly what she wrote with only punctuation added. Her version is of course decorated and illustrated. It was waiting for us on her return:
To mummy and daddy,
wellcome back home. I missed you when you went away. I had a wonderfull time and I bet you had a wonderfull time to.
I still loved you when you went away. I bet you missd me and [OD] when you went away for your holerday. I cryed in the nite becase you wernt in your bed. I bet you felt the same. I read lots of books and I'v lernt to sleep in my own bed. It's jest it gowing to be a wellcome home nite.
When you are dead I will never forget you and I will still love you how much a loved you now because rite now I love you lots. I hope you never die and when I want to do something for you I cry becase I am sorry for you and I rilly will never forget you never ever.
I wanted to hug you when you went away. I bet you had fun in the swimming pool. I like swimming to.
I could of got my nits from Granny. We don't rilly kno do we?
Love from [Waif]
Sigh, she is the same girl now - so loving and dependent, and yet so capable in her own way......the writing is pretty proficient for a 5 year old. I suspect she has the same fears now. She is completely adamant that she will not go to France next week even though many trips have been arranged for her. Actually, I have forced a compromise out of her - she has agreed to go for not more than 3 days. I wish I could help her to see that you only live once and have to grab opportunities and this is a fabulous one. THe Grandmere is to show the girls the sights of Paris and she is a wonderful woman. Then Waif is to go to stay near Lascaux in a house with a pool, and will see cave paintings and chateaux. I suspect I will be unable to change her mind. Even when she says she wants to cycle to school alone, on the day she changes her mind and asks me to come too.... Bless her, I want to fold her up in my arms and never let her go, but I know that is not best for her so I need to help her to grow in independence.
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so either I am colour blind, AM, or you are! I can hardly read that blue text on green background at all.
ReplyDeletehaha, I had no troubles reading the text. Dazzled, if you really struggled, perhaps copy & paste into a word document, then alter the colour to black, so you can read it. :)
ReplyDeleteAnyway, Anorexia Mummy, that truly saddens me that Waif is so reluctant to embrace the opportunity and visit France. It could prove a very refreshing experience, and I guarantee that later in life, she will regret her hesitation. Whilst life is finite, it is sufficiently long, if lived and relished properly. Anorexia deprives us of this, facilitating a 'hibernation' from life.
It's a balancing act and difficult to resolve, as you know she won't respond well to coersion - on the one hand, she may ultimately be grateful if you force her to visit France and the experience is delightful; but conversely, it could backfire horribly.
I have to disagree with the above Anonymous...I don't know Waif's height and therefore her BMI, or indeed how physically unwell she is, but surely there is a risk that she could lose a considerable amount of weight in France bringing her back to "Square 1". France, exchange visits, it all can wait, health, life and recovery, can't.
ReplyDeleteIt is indeed a balancing act. Waif's height is 1.63 and her weight is 43.9kg. THis makes her BMI is 16.5 which actually makes her a "healthy" weight for the first time in over a year :-) :-) BUT I do not take it for granted - she still has a tendency to undereat and still has some food phobias (eg to any fat or oil). At some point, Waif needs to be introduced to a normal life again. I admit it is tricky to know when that is. I am banking on 10 days away not being so long that she could lose dramatic amounts of weight. I guess 2kg tops - which I would HATE her to do but probably would be a useful exercise because if she keeps eating then it will be a real milestone on the way to recovery. Perhaps the 3 or 4 day option is the best compromise.....
ReplyDeleteanoroxia mummy has kindly changed the text colour for me :-)
ReplyDeleteanotehr factor - going to France for a few days would give Waif a short time when her ED wasn't the centre of attention. perhaps that would be good for her, give her a sense of 'normal' life returning one day
ReplyDeleteI know this really isn't the point of the post, but I've got to say that the sudden complete change of tone to "I could of got my nits from Granny. We don't rilly kno do we?" actually made me laugh out loud ("I love you and missed you loads and also NITS!") - absolutely charming and priceless :)
ReplyDelete