We were back at the Maudsley today after half term. As it is 9 months since Waif started going, we had to fill in all the mental health questionnaires again.
Once more, Waif and I were both of the opinion that she is a very happy, sane child: she is not obsessive about things, she does not have panic attacks, she has no feelings of worthlessness. This is all brilliant! As the psych noted, Waif is not a typical case.
The psych said that 9 months was the normal time for treatment and that ideally she would like to discharge Waif BUT she can't as Waif is still only at 82% of her ideal weight (she began at 76% but the target weight has been going up as she gets older and taller). Waif needs to be 95% of her target weight before discharge. We asked the psych to tell us what this would be and she told us 48kg at the moment. She also said that Waif would not begin puberty until she got to that kind of weight.
Waif and I are aiming for a discharge by September..she seems genuinely on for it! 7kg to put on in 11 or 12 weeks. Wow.
In the real world, Waif went to Marbella for a few days over half term with her father and had a wonderful time in the sunshine, coming back blonde and tanned. H said (correctly) that Waif can be demanding company. She can. She is demanding and rewarding: she gives a lot and expects a lot back.
Hmmm...I didn't mention to the psych (forgot) that Waif missed the last 3 days of school before half term as she was worried about her upcoming Spanish exam: she is giving up Spanish so has not put in much work but she does not want to do badly in the exam, so she is hamstrung about whether to be working really hard at Spanish to avoid a B, or whether to concentrate on subjects she will be continuing with. She did 9 hours revision yesterday (Sunday) which is a bit OTT at 13 yo, but still impressive.
We got Waif's grade card - she basically has a string of almost unbroken "1s" for effort, achievement and organisation. 1 is outstanding, 2 is above average, 3 is good, 4 is poor and 5 is unacceptable. There is a card to provide parental feedback which my husband filled in and posted (without consultation). In it, he apparently asked what Waif could do to improve her history (two 1's and a 2) and geography (ditto). He didn't comment on her other 9 subjects where she was faultless! Sigh, no pressure then!
Waif is such a sweetheart - I suddenly felt quite ill last night and she told me she would clear up supper and she brought me a cup of tea :-) :-) What a darling.
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"she is not obsessive about things, she does not have panic attacks"
ReplyDeleteBUT
"missed the last 3 days of school before half term as she was worried about her upcoming Spanish exam: she is giving up Spanish [but]working really hard to avoid a B ... She did 9 hours revision yesterday (Sunday) which is a bit OTT at 13 yo"
"she has no feelings of worthlessness"
BUT
" he apparently asked what Waif could do to improve her history [BUT] He didn't comment on her other 9 subjects where she was faultless! Sigh, no pressure then"
Firstly, rather than bombarding you with criticism immediately (which though intended to be constructive, can still be quite disheartening, I realise), I want to encourage you for the progress you have made. Waif truly seems a gorgeous girl and she's come a long way. :)
ReplyDeleteBUT, 'analytic' basically expressed precisely what I observed. It was quite painful reading this, because I can notice in Waif all the familiar patterns that I experienced myself, as a 13yo anorexia sufferer. May I emphasise that excessive perfectionism to the point where it is dysfunctional and interferes with one's normal routine (as was the case with Waif - skipping school prior to her spanish exam) is NOT healthy. It is maladaptive and corrodes you emotionally. As a perfectionist myself, I appreciate that it's difficult condemning such traits, when diligence is seemingly very admirable and we are taught to appreciate it. However, it's really important to address these issues now, as they'll otherwise only continue during the later years of highschool - I'm finally giving myself a break and easing standards as I realise it's simply not feasible to remain so rigidly perfectionistic. It's great to encourage Waif to strive for her best, but I'm sure I don't need to state the obvious that it's destructive for her to expect more than that of herself, especially when it's associated with such anxiety. If you don't mind me suggesting it, maybe you SH0ULD consider the psychological aspects of her condition, and possibly seek the relevant professional support?
All the best. x