We managed to eat fairly well although not on the Monday of our return when we seemed to miss lunch and so Waif had had only a croissant by 5pm :-( She struggled with her luggage at King's Cross and my husband told her that she wouldn't be feeling so tired if she ate properly and she ought to realise the consequences of her choices. Sigh, I can't agree with his approach. I believe it is our job to make eating easy for her and to serve regular meals with proper portion sizes, and to hold off on the criticism.
On our return, I went away for 24 hours to stay at Champneys. When I came back yesterday I found that Waif had eaten nothing since I went - she went to a friend's house for a sleepover and when I called them to thank them (ok, ok, and to check up on what she had eaten) they said they hadn't fed her as she told them she had already eaten. She hadn't. Then yesterday for lunch she made herself a sandwich that she refused to eat in front of Older Daughter. When OD went upstairs to check on Waif, Waif said she had eaten the sandwich really quickly. OD checked the bin and found the whole sandwich :-(
It's tricky, I realise that deception is part of this disorder but don't want to be oversuspicious of my own child. This morning she has had a croissant and piece of toast for breakfast.
At 11 o'clock I told her I was making her a hot chocolate. She asked me whether she could instead go and get a frappucino from Starbucks. I said yes, provided she brings it home and eats it in front of me. She then proceeded to tell me in great detail how it is full of cream and sugar. I grew suspicious and asked if it wasn't low calorie. She confessed they did a low calorie one but it is disgusting (hmmm.... when and why has she tasted it). Hmmm.... She is home right now with her frap. I am just going to see she drinks it. I do hope it is the full calorie one....
I just came across your blog. I battled with this illness many years ago. I just wanted to give you some hope - there is light at the end of the tunnel. I now am over my illness, happily married, have four beautiful boys and just had triplets.
ReplyDeleteI wish your daughter all the best. If you want to contact me for support then please please do. I'm sure that therapy has changed since my day, but I would be happy to be a understanding listener for you. My email is on my blog.
All the best!
Speaking from my own experience...it could be that your daughter feels like starving and losing weight is the only thing she is good at. The lies, the pretending to eat food and the feeling of 'getting one over' on people could be the only thing that makes her think she is a success. We hide our actions because we don't want people to make us stop. Stopping would mean we have failed to be exceptional. It is a buzz to survive on air when we are told over and over again it isn't possible. The more days of starving we can achieve and the more weight we lose the more we prove to our warped minds that we are an exception to the rules. We are strong and more disciplined than other people. Eating again makes you ordinary, we don't want to be ordinary we want people to say wow how do you do that it is impossible! Is there anyway to help her find something else she can excel at?
ReplyDeleteI started eating more when people were adamant that someone as small as I was couldn't possibly eat all that food in one go. I wanted to prove them wrong in the opposite direction. I wanted to impress anyway I could.
Thank you for the kind and insightful comments :-) It all helps so much. WHen I have more time, I will reply more fully.
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