Thursday, 18 February 2010
Sigh, it was seeming to all go so well. Waif is looking healthier and healthier.
It has admittedly been a little odd recently because she has been rushing to eat before I am in the kitchen, and so eating a lot whilst I have not been around: "Mummy, I have already had my toast and cereal" and there will be crusts on the plate and a bowl with the dregs of milk in it.
But I have still, on the whole, witnessed a lot of calories eaten every day even if Waif has also oddly been eating all her evening meals at once: eating her main meal and immediately afterwards having her late night hot chocolate and biscuit, insisting that this means she won't forget later and that if she does eat later it will be a bonus.
This morning, she has gone out to a lecture on maths (yes, she is that kind of child) and left her laptop on and open in her bedroom. I thought I would check her internet history hoping to find that she is no longer obsessed by calories.
The latest pages checked were the Space and Time cafe (this is the cafe at the Royal Institution where she is headed today). That could be a good thing. Perhaps she is planning her snacks.
Then a check of all calories at Pret a Manger (I had told the children to buy lunch on their way home). Ok. Fine.
Then below that a check of the calories in mushroom taglietelle (yesterday's lunch). Jury out.
And then, horror, I saw that she had been looking at sites called things like "tips for anorexics" "what do anorexics eat?" and "how to eat a low calorie breakfast that looks high calorie".
This is not good.
Then I scrolled down and saw that she had been searching for "casual fun for women" and "naughty schoolgirl" and "naughty santa outfit".
Good grief, it is possible for anyone to look at a page in error and to click through, fascinated yet horrified. I have not actually looked at any of the pages Waif has been on. Perhaps I should.
I really don't know whether to tell Waif what I have seen and to confiscate her laptop. I am worried that if I simply say she will have it confiscated if she looks at those sites again will just drive her to do it more secretively - within Google Chrome incognito for instance.
The internet is such a powerful tool and can be used for good or bad.
I so do not want her accessing poisonous pro-ana sites. Perhaps I should talk to her about them and about how a whole community can become deluded and dangerous, and how she must stay away if she is to have a full and happy, healthy life.
I wonder what has triggered this.
I am very upset and any tips on how I should tackle this would be welcome.