Monday, 23 November 2009

Feeling more cheerful

We had a good weekend. Waif ate well on Saturday and Sunday :-) and her mood seems to have lifted a little. If we can just keep this up....

Today, I feel as if I might be able to make some progress as I am meeting the Headmistress to discuss how the school can help Waif. I am not at all sure how this might be but if they could monitor whether or not she has lunch (at least let me know whether her swipe card has been used in the dining hall) then that would be a start. If, in addition, they could have her eat lunch with the nurse, or another member of staff, then that would be even better.

I sat next to the Headmistress of a diferent very smart London day girls' school last night at dinner. She had the attitude one might expect in her position: if parents are not in accordance with "her" values, then she would suggest fimly that the school was not a place for them. I guess that's what happens when you have 10 girls applying for every place. She said that she picked up phone calls from parents saying "My husband and I both got firsts at Oxford, you really must take Francesca" where Francesca, aged 3, has just failed the entrance test (snort). The HM says she is never swayed but gets baleful looks at Waitrose from rejected parents so escapes to the country at weekends. I guess there is no better way to choose....

We ended up discussing the Waif and she (the headmistress) told me all about her own eating issues. As she noted, I was disturbed by Kate Moss's comment this week "No food tastes as good as skinny feels.". Hmmmm.... well, for KM's information, skinny feels bony and fragile when you hug it, not warm and reassuring. I didn't realise that was a pro-ana mantra :-( How sad. I hope Waif never gets to hear it.

Most of all, I feel that I have made the right decision in stopping work for an extended period. I will be here for Waif, and for Older Daughter, every time they are home from school and much freer to be with them at the week-ends too.

I am even assimilating the information that Waif's internet history is full of calorie checks for every single food I have ever fed her. This explains how she cheerfully eats her first 2 mince pies but the very next day declares she dislikes them - she has been checking calories. So when she tells the psych that she wants to gain weight I am not sure she is quite playing with a straight bat. But at least she has not been accessing any pro-ana sites. Phew, that is a relief. We have lots working in our favour: the Maudsley, the fact I can be home, we have caught it early and the fact that Waif is such a biddable child (hmmm.... to a certain extent anyway), and seemingly not depressed at all. I am glad: if she were miserable too then my heart would bleed even more for her.

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