Monday, 16 November 2009

The longhaul

It occurs to me that I should rename this blog EDNOS mummy in view of Waif's diagnosis (Eating Disorder Not Otherwise Specified). It doesn't have quite the same ring about it though.

So how is it all going? Well, the eating seems ok although Waif is becoming generally stroppier at meal times or whenever the subject of food is mentioned.

I guess that is not surprising, but it is "new" - she has always been such an easy going child. Perhaps it is just a normal teenage development but it only seems to happen at mealtimes so I think not. Yes, she will still eat what I ask her too, but with a fairly bad grace. No chatting at the table. And then she makes a fast exit for the kitchen door and up to her room. Always. I don't think she is going off to be sick. Older Daughter reckons she is trying to avoid the washing up. I reckon she is hoping to skip pudding - sometimes she succeeds. I have to steel myself to make her eat more than I could comfortably eat myself. I tell her (and myself) that it is short term only until she is 42kg and then she can eat what she likes.

Waif arranged to see a friend for lunch on Saturday, and then I picked her up and took her to a different friend for a sleepover.

I warned Waif beforehand that she must eat properly at both houses. I felt it only fair to let her know that H and I had considered not allowing her to go to friends for meals, after last time when she told them she had eaten when she hadn't, and that if she had not put on some weight by her next Maudsley visit, then we would have to ensure she ate all her weekend meals with the family. She did not take this well. I still think it was better to fire a warning shot than to spring a grounding on her next week which would be, from her point of view, out of the blue.

Sigh, am I allowed to note that a great weight lifts off my shoulders when Waif is elsewhere for a meal. I feel like matters are temporarily out of my hands and that we can enjoy our food without worrying about what Waif is/ isn't eating and without having constant negotiations about whether she can trade a sausage for a tomato etc and how she no longer likes mince pies/ ice cream/ hot chocolates / anything with lots of calories shown on the pack.

I have booked an all-inclusive holiday for us in the New Year (29 December to be precise). Yay! We are going to St Lucia :-) :-)

My colleague at work said that the only minus with those places is that you come back having put on a stone. That sounds like a big plus to me! We could all do with weighing a little more - H and I are within the normal range, but only just. Which is when it occurs to me that perhaps H is right and Waif is just thin like he always was, and that I have turned normality into a big deal. Then I remind myself that she LOST over 10 pc of her bodyweight between Easter and the Summer through not eating, and that that cannot possibly be normal. The H now calls her "Twiglet".

Older Daughter said I was sending out mixed messages today when I said that a normal portion of chips was fine and I didn't want to buy her a "large" McDonalds. Maybe she is right - it's nothing to do with weight though, it just strikes me that she would be better off eating a normal portion of chips and fishburger and having a rice pudding or piece of fruit at home if she is still hungry. Sigh, Monday nights are MacDonalds - every other evening I cook something organic. Yes, I guess that's a mixed message too. Waif won't eat the MacD these days, so I now cook on Mondays too btw, even though it first started as bribe for her to keep up piano- "If you keep going to piano lessons, I will buy you a MacDonalds straight after your lesson."

Waif is due home in 10 minutes and I have put mince pies in the oven for her. Yes, yes, I know I said above that she has suddenly decided she doesn't like them, but they were her favourite food until a month ago when we bought a pack and, halfway through, she read the pack (rats, I should have hidden it).

Meanwhile, I am half heartedly arranging a meeting with the school. I sent in a letter about how it should be possible for a girl to forget her swipe class and yet STILL get lunch even if she has a detention or activity in the lunch hour. To my surprise, and sadness, I got a snotty, defensive response which said that I had "declined meetings" to talk about Waif and suggesting that I fix one up. Snort: the only meeting I declined was one where the nurse wanted to see if Waif was well enough for school. That didn't seem very caring to me. My email last term asking what support the school could offer was totally ignored.

Ho hum, at least my latest letter has prompted the headmistress to suggest a meeting, so we are to have one soon. Maybe next Monday as that is my day off work and I really can't take more holiday and be taken seriously. I am still waiting to hear if my resignation has been accepted.

Next Monday is also Waif's next appointment at the Maudsley. Fingers crossed.

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