I am reassured to find this answer posted at wikianswer when Waif asked her questions - there is some sensible information on the damaging effects of anorexia.
I am also not clear whether if the history shows a search for, say "anorexia tips" but no following page, whether that means that Waif never in fact clicked through. I hope so.
I have had a more thorough look and it is also only last night that Waif has made such searches. Not earlier in the week. Hmmmm.....I was out last night with Older Daughter. My husband was home and his sister (the one who used to be extraordinarily thin and is even now, at 39 years old, very very careful about calories). I wonder if between them, those were the triggers. I am going to phone my H at work and ask him about last night and whether his sister ate properly or whether she said her usual "oh, I just had a really big lunch/ supper/ meal on the plane" and ate very little.
I am glad that Waif has an appointment at the Maudsley on Monday coming as it will become clear whether or not she has managed to maintain a steady weight gain.....
I'm sorry about these new developments. It's pretty common for people with eating disorders to end up on pro-anorexic websites at some point during their illness. It's comforting to find people who will validate your thought processes and tell you that what you're thinking and doing is OK. Of course, in reality nothing could be further from the truth. I used to belong to a couple of websites a bit like that - not pro-anorexic, but with no emphasis on recovery either. They weren't helpful at all. The people were supportive, but being there desensitised me to the horrors of eating disorders and stopped me from seeing that I could or should live any other way. Talking to Waif about this might help - maybe you could point her in the direction of helpful peer support? If you live within the Maudsley catchment area there may well be a b-eat support group nearby, there are a few around London and the South East. They are run by people who have recovered from eating disorders, and the focus is strictly on recovery. Meeting other people who understand what you are going through can be helpful for people with eating disorders, because it can feel like no one understands - people only see your weight, not the terror and confusion going through your head. But it can also be dangerous, which is why I have found the best support from a local support group. If Waif turns out to be too young for a group, b-eat might still be able to help you work out another solution. Their website has moderated messages boards where people with eating disorders can talk safely, they have children as young as ten on there and they delete anything triggering or pro-anorexic. The message boards are at http://www.b-eat.co.uk/HelpandSupport/MessageBoards
ReplyDeleteI don't know if any of that is helpful! I hope Waif has managed to keep up her progress this week :)
Actually sorry, the young people's messages boards are here: http://www.b-eat.co.uk/YoungPeople/MessageBoards
ReplyDeleteeep. Waif could be deleting her history, I used to do it a lot. I deleted my history and then one day I forgot to, and mum found the pro-ana website i was on.
ReplyDeleteVery triggering.
Also, the Husband's sister definitely could be another factor. Watching other people restrict (even when they're not skinny) is often agonising to watch, when you have to eat heaps. The fact that she is already thin makes it worse.
watch out for triggers like that.
maybe, with the maudsley appointments, you could talk to them about asking Waif about her triggers, so you can identify them and keep her away from them.
I am very much against snooping around people's internet history and such, but when my mum did it, it saved my life even though i was so angry at the time.
You might also want to check if she has been searching for pictures of thin people, or if she has some saved on her computer.
i dont want to scare you at all, but knowing everything will help her so much more.
You're doing great, hang in there.
<3
Dear Katie and Katilexis - thank you to your both for your insights and helpful advice. I really appreciate it as I am fumbling in the dark.
ReplyDeleteI will try Waif out with the idea of a messageboard, although at the moment I am not sure she has admitted to herself that she has an ED and so is resistant to any conversation about it, but once she know the boards are there she just might investigate.
Talking about triggers when we are at the Maudsley is a great idea, too. I will bring that up on Monday if there is the chance.
Love to you both AM