Waif is home for the Easter holidays so theoretically I have a lot more control over what she is eating, but I haven't done well so far. She is looking thin to me.
I convinced myself she hadn't really lost weight last weigh-in, despite the 400g drop in the scales, as she had just been to the loo. So I allowed Waif to bully me into taking her to our local (ish) climbing wall on Sunday. We woke up hideously early, due to the hour change, and I reached for the car keys.
"But you said we could cycle" wheedled Waif.
Sigh, it doesn't feel that far to the climbing wall - half of it is a route I regularly jog and the other half I have run a couple of times, so it shouldn't be too strenuous on a bike - especially as it is all flat, following firstly the Thames and then the Regents Canal.
Of course, I hadn't banked on the lifts in the Greenwich foot tunnel being out of operation (grrrr...) so Waif and I had to carry our bikes up and down either side of the Thames (100 steps one side, 88 the other). Plus the bike ride took 45 minutes each way, the climbing 30 mins, so Waif was shattered by the time we got home again at lunch, even though she has an extraordinarily light carbon bike. I guess when you are so slight, even a light bike feels like a ton. Would Waif eat a crunchie at the wall? No, she would not. "I'll have something at home".
On the plus side, we had a great time. Waif said that her bike was her best present ever, second only to the cat, and we were both a lot stronger and more agile climbing than our first time the week before.
Then on Monday, Waif had arranged to spend the day at Thorpe Park with 7 schoolfriends from her new school. I encouraged her to go as forging friendships is going to be crucial to her recovery. But it meant another whole day out of the house with lots of walking and, I am guessing, not much food. She texted me just as she was about to ride Colossus!!!!! Yikes, rather her than me.
That evening we went out for dinner as a family as it was my husband's birthday. All Waif ate was 3 dry pieces of tandoori chicken and half a plain naan :-( She eschewed the popadoms, creamy okra and the oily brinjal bhaji; the mango lassi I insisted on buying her sat undrunk. She protested that she had had a burger and chips for lunch. Yeah, right, not much of it I am guessing.
Tomorrow is judgment day. I am already preparing for disappointment. Waif will be heartbroken at being disallowed to go on her residential course next week when she put so much effort into gaining a place (personal statement, references etc), but I feel we have to stick to our guns and only let her go if she is 42kg. Comparison may be difficult as she will not be in school uniform (which is very heavy) tomorrow, so I am prepared to make a small allowance, but even so am not sure what I would do if she weighs, say, 41.3kg...........Any insight would be appreciated. Is a short sharp reality check now a good thing long term or is it simply demoralising and depressing? I was SO worried about Waif after last visit when she was so very very upset. I always have at the bck of my mind the mortality risk from suicide that s associated with anorexia. She is nowhere near that bleak in outlook at the moment but I don't want to take away all her pleasures.
Meanwhile Waif was showing me photos from her phone taken over the last few months. She is definitely not as thin now as she was at Christmas! She was skeletal on about 17 or 18 December. I will go back and check my blog for weights. I am grateful for that and hope I am not kidding myself.
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